Marshal Rosenberg’s provides a simple yet powerful model which gives us tools to begin to understand and take responsibility for our inner faculties (thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, feelings and needs) and our outer expressions (words, actions and deeds).
Rosenberg created his model and tools to help us to become more aware of how best to meet our own needs, so we are happier, more resilient and self-reliant, and to also consider other people’s needs, so that a connection can be made where everyone can have their needs met.
The following is the brief overview and intentional statement I use when working with Compassionate Communication.
In the present moment I intend to connect honestly and compassionately with myself and others. I will use the model (and lists of feelings and needs) to help me gain clarity to understand my own experience and the experience of others, and work towards a shared understanding and a shared strategy to move forward, so that as many needs as possible can be met for all concerned.
I will try to make OBSERVATIONS (rather than judgements, assumptions or generalizations).
I will try to acknowledge and state my FEELINGS (rather than thoughts and/or blaming and shaming words).
I will try to identify VALUES/NEEDS that my feelings are bringing to my attention( before and/or rather than suggesting strategies to meet the needs).
I will make well considered, specific, doable REQUESTS to myself and others (rather than demands) so that we can move forward with shared understanding, clarity and compassion.