I was socialized in either/or, black and white thinking. I was also encouraged to debate in order to make my case and prove my point of view. This socialization is still hard for me to shake. I still find myself in debate mode, rather than dialogue or conversation mode, even when I am trying not to be.

In dialogues and conversations, nuances and viewpoints can be unraveled, reworked, interlinked and combined. These conversations are so much more connecting, stimulating, educative and hopeful. The win or lose situation in debates, where people cling on to their point of view to convince you they are right, is stressful and alienating. The old adage, argue for your limitations and you get to keep them, may well apply here.

I am concerned that debating is still taught in schools and universities. I believe that teaching the art of conversation and empathetic listening may serve our society so much more.

Debates write off the other side’s perspective and set up an I’m right and you’re wrong scenario, which encourages ill will and conflict. Look at what happens in our political arenas. It is embarrassing to see how some politicians behave in that system.

Conversations tease out information and ideas. They open up new possibilities and new ways to deal with issues and problems. This is a truly more colourful, creative and exciting way to live.

There is no need to limit interpretations, and no need to limit the ways we can combine our ideas. There is no limit to the positive change that can come if we try to understand the many sides of stories and the many interpretations of events and the many suggestions on how to best move forward.

Life can have so much more meaning and nuance if we choose to be informed about alternative ways to live; alternative ways to be human.

I need to tell myself again and again the words of a song I wrote years ago which said, “it’s only my viewpoint, please tell me yours”.

I believe that the consideration and exploration of many viewpoints will enable us all to find more peaceful and happy ways to live.