It’s a transforming discovery to understand how thoughts feed feelings and feelings feed thoughts.
Feelings are at a gut level, not a head level. They are linked to our bodily sensations. When stressed you may experience tension in your muscles; especially in the neck or shoulders. When anxious you may have sweaty palms, an increased heart rate and ‘butterflies in the stomach’. When angry you may have all these symptoms and a huge rush or adrenalin thrown in for good measure.
When feelings run high, it is impossible to think clearly. When we are in flight, fight or freeze mode our thinking part of our brain is not working properly and we are functioning from our mammalian and reptilian brain. Our human brain is off line.This means that when we are in a highly aroused state, it is best to not trust our thoughts, because they can be seriously out of control, ill-conceived and distorted.
If we could train ourselves to be mindful of our thoughts and more aware of our bodily sensations as well, we could learn to regulate ourselves, so that we are consciously driving our responses and actions, rather than letting them drive us.
By noticing the sensations in our body and checking in with feelings, we can choose to take a deep breath, slow down and avoid taking action until we are calmer and more able to think clearly. If we can tune into our body, we can use the information it is giving us to adjust our actions and thoughts accordingly. In a calmer space we can think of strategies that will be beneficial to us and to all concerned.
Becoming more aware of my thoughts and my feelings and their relationship to each other, has helped me to regulate myself in tricky situations, enabling me to behave in ways that more appropriately meets my needs and the needs of others. I still lose my head sometimes and still disconnect from my heart at others, but I am learning to use head and heart together in more aware ways, with much better outcomes.